This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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