just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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