Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
