I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
