Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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