I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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