Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
