apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
