just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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