Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just pee around me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
