My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
