I wish I could punch you in the face.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
