I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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