Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
