Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
