I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
