so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
