i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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