non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
