i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
