I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
