Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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