Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sacagawea was the original milf.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
