I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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