if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize