even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
