Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
