As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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