When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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