The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sober January is a disaster.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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