I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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