I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
