I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
