Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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