names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize