so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
