You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
