can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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