I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
