If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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