I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
