Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
