The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
