Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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