Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
