The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she looked like the before picture.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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