but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I need water and some morals
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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