I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
