I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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