I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
