nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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