it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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