I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i now understand why vodka
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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