i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
