you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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