I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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