I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize