Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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