ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
