I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
