The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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