I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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