Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
