I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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