remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Couch. On fire.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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