That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
