the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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