Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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