It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
