Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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