You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
