we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
