Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
