I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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