When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
