i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize