I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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