Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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