I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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