you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
