help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
