it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
