I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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