Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
