i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
