I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
