Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
