So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think your dad took our porno
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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