the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
