this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
