mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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