Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
