Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize