there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
