just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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