i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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